The Battle Zone

As a teacher there are certain expectations.  A pretense of composure and capability is required, whether it exists in us or not.  It's an unspoken rule to keep an even temper at all times, we know what the consequences of losing it are: the students win.  They, at their moment of defeat, know that they have complete and utter power over us.  The classroom is a constant battle zone between students and the teacher.  Every second for an entire hour, I pray.  I pray for guidance, I pray for strength, I pray for help.  Without these I wouldn't be able to last one minute in that classroom without crumbling to the floor in surrender.  

Because I have God I can survive.  He is the one thing that makes me able to dismiss my students with a smile on my face, yet because of Him, teaching is one of the hardest things I can imagine doing.  Being a believer means I have to show my students who He is.  I cannot falter, I cannot fail.  In their world they do not know God: the majority of people here believe in Buddha. They don't even know of God's existence, as far as I know.  That means that I am the only glimpse of Jesus they see.  Those sixty minutes in my classroom are the only minutes of their day that they will be able to witness what a Jesus believer is like.  Talk about a lot of pressure.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect.  I'm not saying I haven't shown my anger or my irritation, because I have many times.  All I'm saying is that the relationship that I have with these kids might be the only one they have with a Christian.  I recognize this is not easy territory to be walking on, rather I know it's Satan's battle zone.  It's the time of the day I feel most irritable, most angry, and the most upset.  It's obvious more is going than what I can see:  God and Satan are battling it out.  Satan provokes me, God comforts me.  I am their battleground.  A million emotions and thoughts course through my body like electricity.  

On my worst days, even God triumphs.  Somehow, someway, God makes my day.  It's only because of Him that I can say I am a teacher.   Without Him, I would've given up on day one, but it's because of Him that I am still here trying, still taking the bullets in my one hour battle zone.