Becomming Thai

I swear I'm becoming Thai. I think Thai. I act Thai. I've absorbed the culture for almost 8 months now, it's to be expected that I'd come to this. I speak in broken English. I eat their food. I understand what they're saying even though they don't speak in full sentences. I love their children. Some of my favorite foods are now Thai dishes. I find their people beautiful.

This worries me.

What is the reverse culture shock going to be like? Is the America I've been pining for going to be all that I've waited for? Will things be the same when I return home? Will people want to hear about the experiences I've had here? Will they find what I have to say about Thailand interesting? Or will it just be boring jibberish? Will I stay in touch with the people that have become like my family here? Will I ever see these people again? If I do come back to this place, will all of the people still be here? It's highly unlikely.

The Pastor could move, a church member could die, a Filipino family could return to the Philippines, the school could take a bad turn and close down... there are so many possibilities that the future holds for this place and these people.

As my time here draws to an end, there are so many feelings involved with my return home that I don't really know exactly how I feel. I suppose it's a mixture of sadness, anxiety, happiness, relief, grief, and heartbreak. I know I'll be different when I go home, there's no doubt in my mind that'll be true. But, will I make my last two months in Thailand all that it can be? I hope I won't have any regrets, and I fear that the upcoming transition period will be the most drastic and saddest I've ever experienced.